How to Make Friends in Austin

Are you an adult who is struggling to make friends? I talked to plenty of people who have said, “Oh my gosh, it’s so hard to make friends as an adult.” And I totally understand. I completely get it. Before my husband and I opened our Muay Thai gym, we only had a few friends in Austin. We worked our corporate jobs and had our work buddies and drinking buddies. And when we left those jobs, most of those friends went away. It was like, okay, well, we’re not going to happy hour anymore, and I don’t really want to complain about work with you anymore because I don’t work there anymore. I left because it was horrible. And so we realized that we didn’t have a lot in common with those people who were our friends because we saw ’em every day. We complained about the same stuff and were in the trenches together. But when you leave that, or when your friends are not based on work, what are they based on?

So I help many people move to Austin, and they’re coming here for more opportunities, a new lifestyle, buying a house, and just enjoying life. They’re coming here to make their life better. But what happens a lot of the time is they have their job, and they have their house, and they have their neighborhood, but they still aren’t happy because they don’t have friends, and they don’t really know how to make friends because we’re not having those forced interactions other than at work. And we see how that turns out. Sometimes, those aren’t the best friends. They’re just like friends of convenience.

So, in this blog post, we’re talking about how to make friends as an adult in Austin, and the good news is Austin is one of the best places to make friends as an adult.

So we’re going to jump right in. Hi, I am Tiffany Moore. I’m a local realtor and broker right here in Austin, Texas. I help people from all over the world move to Austin. Contact me if you’re thinking about doing that and need some help. You can also book a call here. You don’t have to text me if that’s uncomfortable, but if you’re moving out here, you want some help. I’ve got your back.

So, we will talk today about how to make friends in Austin, Texas. Whether you’ve lived here for 10 years or you’ve just moved here, if you are trying to build a community or trying to have some enrichment in your life or build relationships or have someone to go hiking with or go out to a restaurant with or go dancing or go to happy hour with, here are some of the ways that you can start to build your friends and build your community.

The first rule of thumb or guideline is to talk to people. So, I know this is scary, especially if you’re an introvert like me. Talking to people is like, well, what? Talk to them about what if they don’t want to talk to me? I don’t really want to bother anyone. Most people in Austin are amiable. So, many people have moved here from other places, and if you have moved to Austin from different areas, you already have something in common. Talking to people is actually really easy. Most people are amicable, and if you can start chatting and realize you have something in common, then there you go. The conversation jumps off from there.

So, if you go to an office, you already have a captive audience; you see these people daily and talk about your boss, the projects, the hallways, what you had for lunch, and everything else. I encourage you to talk about something other than work. And the best way to do that is to ask questions.

The rule of thumb for this entire blog post will be to start by asking people questions because people love to talk about themselves, and it takes the pressure off of you of being entertaining or funny or having to keep someone’s attention. It’s much easier to let someone else talk about themselves; eventually, they may turn the conversation back to you. Fair warning: a good friend will do that, and then you must speak about yourself. But initially, we’ll get our feet wet and ask others to talk about themselves.

So, a couple questions to ask someone at work to get them to talk about things other than work was to ask them how their weekend was. Ask them if they explored anything new, especially if they recently moved to Austin. If they’re checking out new restaurants or doing little day trips outside of town, ask them where they went. Ask ’em what would be a cool place that they want to go to. If you know that they’re really into beer or coffee or hiking. Ask them if they found any new breweries, coffee shops, hiking trails, or anything cool they haven’t been to before. Many people who live in Austin also like to travel, so maybe they just returned from a trip.

Maybe they’re going on a trip soon. Many people travel during summer and over the holidays, even if it’s just Labor Day, Memorial Day, and President’s Day. Any day you get an extra day off from work, people will usually extend that and take a long or a weekend somewhere. Those are good times to ask people, Hey, do you have any travel coming up? Did you go anywhere this weekend? How was your trip? Tell me about it. Have you ever been there before? Do you know anyone there? Why did you go there? How did you pick Indiana to go to? Why did you go to Kentucky? Why did you go to Seattle? Who do you know? Have you ever been there before? Just to get the conversation going. And I can’t stress this enough about stuff other than work. You already have work in common. Let’s talk about things other than work.

A common small-talk question is how was your weekend? And that’s so easy, but that’s like a yes or no answer. It was good, it was fine, it was terrible. I didn’t do much. Instead, ask people, “Hey, what did you do this weekend?” “What’d you get up to?” “You know, you were talking about making yourself an egg salad sandwich. Did you ever get around to doing that this weekend?” Or you were talking about bringing your kid to a baseball game. Did you ever do that? “What game did you guys see?” “How was it?” Have you ever been there before? Anything about the weekend other than how was your weekend? That’s generic, and it gives people an easy out. It was good, it was fine, it was okay. Didn’t do much. Really get people engaged and get them to actually communicate with you. So we have work. Work is the easiest thing to do if you are going to an office.

If you don’t go to an office or don’t really want to make friends with the people you work with, what hobbies do you have? What do you like to do other than work?

If you already have something extraordinary, take a minute and think about what you enjoy. Do you enjoy painting? Do you like acting? Do you like being active? Do you play sports? What sports do you love? Austin is a town with a community for everything you want to do. So, if you have a hobby, I encourage you to find the community for that hobby and start going. If you don’t have a hobby, you should get one for quality of life and enjoyment so that you’re not only working, sleeping, and eating. That’s all work, and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Get yourself a hobby. You have to have something to blow off steam. You have to have something that you do for fun.

So either get one or think about what you already do and seek out a community with other people already doing that. One of the easiest ways to do that in Austin is with sports. Austin is a really active town, so whatever sports you’re into, a community of people is already doing it here.

So, one of the ways that my husband and I built up our community was by joining a Muay Thai gym. We had worked in corporate America, and my husband texted me one day, and he said, I’m going to this Muay Thai class. I’m like, cool, this is the first I’ve heard of Maui. I don’t know what that is but enjoy yourself and have fun. And he came home that night, and he’s like, I joined, and he had all the gear, the gloves, the shin guards, the wraps, everything.

And he started going to class, and he would come home every night, and I’d be like, what did you learn? Teach me all the things. And I started hanging out with the people from his class, swimming with them, doing kettlebells with them. This is a superb supplement to my running. I was running a lot back then. And then I finally said, what you do is pretty cool. I’m going to join this Muay Thai gym. And so I joined, and it was all of a sudden we had this community of people around us that were pretty similar to us as far as the lifestyle that we live, the things that we’re interested in, the kind of shows that we watch, things like that. We would go to fight, watch parties, and it’s like, oh, we’re learning about this whole new community that I’d never even heard of before.

And everyone’s excited about this fighter and that fighter, and everyone knows the history, and it’s a whole different realm that I’ve never even experienced. But it’s cool to be there with people with similar passions and things they’re excited about. We live similar lifestyles, are interested in the same things, and are talking about how to fuel our training and what kind of diet is best for different activity levels. So that is one thing that joining a team, sport, or hobby can do. The other is being around people that you like to be around.

There are a lot of Muay Thai gyms around Austin, and now my husband and I own our own gym. And this gym’s community is different from other gyms around town. So, even though you’re into this one sport, look around at other groups, meetups, or gyms to find the people you vibe with.

Sports are good to jump into because when you’re doing sports with other people, you are pushing yourself, and you’re seeing other people dig into who they are and give something their all-out effort. And you’re seeing them at their worst. You’re seeing them at their best. These things transcend your whole life. Pushing through hard things in Muay Thai, doing things that are uncomfortable or scary, or going for a tournament or a fight that you’re not sure if you’re ready for, all these things transcend your life, and now suddenly you’re going for a promotion that you don’t think you’re prepared for, or you’re going to talk to that girl or that guy that you think is way out of your league, but you’re going for it anyway.

This blog post is about making friends, but I’m also going to put in a plug for doing sports and doing things that challenge you to grow. And when you grow and are more confident in yourself and a whole individual, you will attract other people. You’re going to attract other friends who may also be working on themselves, and they’re interested in what you’re doing, or they want to know your journey and how you got to where you are, and maybe they look to you for some answers. Working on yourself and doing things that will develop you is an excellent way to attract other awesome people to you. It’s a little plug for self-development and self-improvement as we try to make friends.

Running is another sport in Austin with a huge community and plenty of different groups to choose from. In Austin running there’s a huge running community in Austin. I did a 5K with some people from my gym last weeknight. It was awesome. And one of the girls told me that there are all these other run clubs around town, and one is run by a guy who is part of the art scene. I don’t understand how he’s part of the art scene here. And so he and his group will meet at 6:00 AM, and he’s talked a lot of the other art galleries into opening for the runners at 6:00 AM. So they’ll talk about running, art, community, and friends. And this is what I’m talking about when I’m saying find the group that’s right for you if you don’t like art, which sounds like the worst thing ever. This isn’t the club for you, but finding one that speaks to you and being around others with the same interests is so much easier to make friends when you have other people with similar interests, lifestyles, and things they love doing. You can discuss whether that run was so hard or how you got around this corner? Or did you see that fantastic painting that really blew my mind? Discussing things with others will spark a conversation and build that connection even more profoundly.

But the key is number one: show up. Show up as step one. Step two is to keep showing up. So, being consistent, showing up to class, attending the runs, three days a week, four days a week, whatever it is. And being a staple in whatever community that it is you’re joining. If it’s playing games or video games, you can’t just show up once, talk to someone, and expect to be best friends. This is going to take time. This is a process. It’s not those horrible network meetings that you go to where everyone has brought stacks of their business cards or passed them to everyone. That is not what we’re doing. That is the opposite of making friends and building relationships.

If you were ever going to those networking meetings, I don’t want to talk to any of those people that are like, oh, my name is John so-and-so my card, I don’t know, don’t know anything about you. I don’t need your card. Let me get to know you first. Let me see if I like or want to do business with you. And then, sure, I’ll take your card, but I’ll probably find you on Instagram, send you a message, see the pictures you put up, and figure out, like, oh, do I like you?

So anyway, that’s my aside on networking meetings. But yeah, you have to show up, keep showing up, and keep talking to people and giving them a chance to get to know you. We talked about starting with asking other people questions. Eventually, they’re going to ask you questions, and they’re going to want to learn about your life. And so you’ll have to open up a little and let them into who you are, what you like to do, why you moved to Austin, and why you joined this club, and you know what you’re doing this weekend. Being vulnerable and letting people in is necessary to build relationships and make friends.

And I use sports as an example, but if sports isn’t your thing, join a cooking group. Join a game group. Join a video game group. Join a painting group. Whatever you like to do, find a group that does it and start showing up and going consistently. And if you show up once or twice and realize these aren’t my people, okay, cool. Find another one, find another person. If you date one person, you’re like, I don’t want to marry them. Okay, well, date someone else. Find someone else. Go start meeting other people. Until you find someone you want to spend time with that you want to marry, just because one group didn’t work out, try another. Try a group of people, but keep going until you meet someone you jive with. You have to give it a shot. You have to give it a try to work. You have to go in with an open mind.

You have to go in to build relationships and meet friends, not close yourself off and be judgy. So similar to that, we talked about sports isn’t your thing. Find another group. Also volunteer. If something is near and dear to your heart, like animals or nursing or reading to the elderly or bringing fans to people when it’s sweltering out. Volunteer. That’s such an excellent way to find people who have similar interests who have a similar heart as you. They have similar ways of thinking, similar schedules, and similar lifestyles. Volunteering is a great way to meet people you have other things in common with. Not just like, oh, we have this one activity. There are so many other similarities that we’ll tie you together differently than, “Oh, I see this person, and we take care of the dogs together. You all have much more in common than you think, but the same rules apply. Show up. Keep showing up. Talk to people. Ask some questions. Let them get to know you. You have to open up, too. You have to be vulnerable and start this give and take, give and take energy, give and take support. Give and take being a friend.

And that brings me to my tip on how to make friends. You’ve got to be a friend to those people also. You can’t wait around for people to invite you to places. And hey, let’s go here. I’m going hiking. And you tag along to everything. When are you going to start inviting people out? When will you start telling people that they matter to you, that they’re important to you, and that you want to spend time with them? This has to be reciprocal. And that’s the only way a friendship and a real relationship will work if you reach out to them as much as they’re reaching out to you.

So if you want to have a friend first, you must be a friend. You have to care about people and support people. Show them that you’re there. If they went through some hard stuff this weekend, tell them, I’m sorry you went through that. What can I do? I’m here for you. Let’s go get an ice cream. Let’s go take a walk around the lake. Let’s go have a beer. Whatever you can do to support them, being a friend, helping other people when they’re going through hard shit.

So this is for anyone struggling to make friends as an adult, but primarily for people moving to Austin for a new life, a better life, and all the opportunities here. And you get here, and you have your job, and you have your house, and it’s awesome, but you still feel like something’s missing. What’s missing is relationships. What’s missing is community and people. This should be an excellent starting point or jumping-off point to enjoy your life more here. Now that you have the job, house, things, and paycheck. Start getting those people in your life and make yourself even happier. And if you need help moving to Austin, reach out to me. I’ve got your back. We’ll do all the things.